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letters to father jacob--- a review by Dr. Meltem sukan

Sun, 20 Jun 2010 14:19:09 -0500

POSTIA PAPPI JAAKOBILLE - LETTERS TO FATHER JACOB
FINLAND - 2009

Meltem Sukan, M.D.
Medical Manager
Abbott Pharma Industries
Istanbul, Turkey

Leila [Kaarina Hazard] who has been sentenced to life in prison for murder is released earlier contingent to her working for a priest who seeks an assistant for his work. Leila who otherwise has no place to go reluctantly accepts this assignment; a kind of informal parole status.

Leila is presented to the audience as cold, calculated and quite a bitter woman with sociopathic tendencies.

She finds Father Jacob [Heikki Nousiainen], living all by himself in a quarter assigned to him, located in beautiful rural town, sleeping in his bed. It does not take long time for Leila to find out that Father Jacob is blind. The old priest receives many letters from the community members and his old congregation, asking him to pray for their wishes coming true or his advice on which prayers they should be choosing for the given wishes. This is the reason he needs somebody to read the letters received every day as well as responding, in detail, to each addressee, one by one.

Leila, who appears to be callous, indifferent and unmotivated for such a task, starts reading letters and writes brief passages for each correspondent despite the exclusive answers verbally given by the Father. She starts to dump the letters into the well and choose just a couple to get it over, as soon as possible, in a given day. Once Leila finds cash in the letter, a payback by the person to whom Father Jacob sent all of his money when that person needed money desperately.

Of interest, the postman who delivers the letters happens to recognize Leila and tries to avoid her as much as possible each time he brings the mail.

Father Jacob wakens Leila up one morning and tells him that they need to go to a church for arranging services. They find nobody in the church, however, while Leila waits for the participants for some time. This is a last drop for her, decides to leave her post and returns back to the quarters without waiting for the old priest who calls after her to take him with her. She picks up the money, enclosed to one of those letters, calls a taxi to leave the place. However, once she gets into the car, realizes that she has no place to go! She sends the taxi away, gets back to the quarters, was distraught enough to end her life but awkward to use the rope to hang herself! In the meantime, Father Jacob, walking all over back to the quarters by himself, is able to bring himself back to his room and once he finds out that Leila is still here, expresses his appreciation that she is still there.

The old priest is quite depressed over his mixing services and since there is no mail delivered anymore, becomes quite withdrawn and isolated. Leila, for the first time since she started knowing this man with a golden heart, softens up and is concerned of Father Jacob’s emotional well being. She goes and tries to pick up the letters she once dumped in the well. Upon her failure to do so, asks the postman next day to give Father Jacob an impression of mail delivery. The postman shouts “a mail for Father Jacob” once he shows up before their quarters. The old priest is very happy and immediately asks Leila to start reading them. She informs him that there is only one piece of mail, starts “reading” it:

“Dear Father Jacob, my mother used to beat me when I was little and my sister used to protect me all the time, ending up being the one who was beaten up… She, in order to ease up her frustrated life, got married early but like our mother, he too turned up to be an abuser, beating her all the time. One day he beat her up so badly and I could not do anything to run away, could not protect her in the way she used to take care of me. After a while, however, I took his revolver and shoot him to death. I have never seen my sister again, I could not even look into her eyes since I know she would never forgive me…”

The old priest listens to this “letter” and quietly asks whether the writer’s name is “Leila…”

She affirms that and observes Father Jacob bringing a bunch of mail, placing it on the table before her. He informs her that it was, in fact, her sister who wrote him in all the time while Leila was in the jail reflective of forgiving her sister and asking the old priest’s help leading the young woman’s early release from the prison.

Leila, starts to cry for the first time in years… has tears of happiness.

Father Jacob, not being able to handle such a sentimental excitement, develops a heart attack and passes away… his work is done!

Leila, after the funeral, leaves the location… Now, she knows that she has place to go… to the address of her sister, written on her letters she sent out to Father Jacob.

Therapeutic use of this film:

We are not to be immediately using DSM criteria and ending up with Axis II personality disorder & traits based on the attitude & behavior of a given individual. Leila, observed to be a sociopath & antisocial personality in the beginning of the movie is in fact a person who deals with trauma through using numbness that may easily be mixed with remorseless people.

Her initial observation of the old priest, a useless old man, turns out to be a very important person in directing her life to positive and productive dimensions.

Therefore, “judging the book by the cover,” prejudging people without any reasoning, rationale and logic is negative and destructive for our lives.

Why Father Jacob does not tell the truth to Leila immediately after she arrives to the quarters?

It is the writer’s feeling that the old priest may also be an excellent counselor. Many failures of psychotherapeutic approaches happen when the therapist cannot regulate timing for interpretations.

Provided he be informing her immediately once she arrived, would not be sure how she would have been reacted. Once, however, she decided opening her heart to him, partly because her start caring for him and partly because of her comfort & need in developing self-review, this gave the old priest a clue that his “client” was ready for the truth.

All people need to process things in their own pace and our intervention regardless how good intended to be, have an impact of imposition of our own pace on them, a grave mistake committed by the therapists from time to time.

Meltem Sukan, M.D.

departures

Sun, 2 May 2010 20:17:07 -0500

OKURIBITO – DEPARTURES – 2008
Mustafa Bilici, MD

Daigo Kobayashi [Masahiro Motoki], a cello player who loses his orchestra job after the public performances are terminated due to poor attendance is highly concerned of taking care of his family as he has never been excelled in any other field. He decides to return back to his childhood home for temporary heaven during which he would be able to live in home free of charge as well as running the café inherited following the death of his mother, hoping to bring revenues necessary for his family. His wife Mika [Ryoko Hirosue] accompanies him with no objections.

Daigo sells his cello and promised himself not to play again, ever.

He comes across with a notice published by the agency named “Departures” while he is reviewing business ads one day. His visit with the old owner of the agency makes him realize that he is to be looking a person to process “Nokanshi,” the special ceremony that follows death in funeral routine, i.e., all relatives gathering in home around the deceased, cleaning the body before the loved ones, to be shaven if male and put a make up if female, placing it in a wooden coffin and directing to the crematoriums, spreading the ashes on the earth.

Daigo first rejects such an assignment but accepts it later for financial necessities. He does not inform Mika of his job as he is very ashamed of the engagement. Mika, however, finds out coincidentally and asks her husband to make a choice between his job and herself. She leaves him upon his wish to continue his job but returns back once she finds out.

The work that initially turned him off, however, starts to be quite interesting for Daigo in the following weeks. Different people who die, timely as well as untimely, under different circumstances along with the attitude, behavior and reactions of relatives slowly but steadily affect him. He starts to gain an insight into life, death, forgiveness and all other relationship patterns with the deceased, his “lost” and perhaps passed away father. It is this stage of his life when we start reviewing his past.

Diego’s father has been reported to get involved with a younger woman and abandoned the family leading Daigo’s developing anger and resentment throughout his life. His support of Daigo’s learning how to play cello when he was a little boy tells us that Daigo is in a special symbolic relationship with his father through the instrument. His flashbacks take us back to his childhood when he and his father mutually give each other a river rocks within the tradition of demonstration of feelings both have for each other. Daigo’s small and smooth white stone is responded by a big and gray rock piece selected by his Dad.

All these take him to the attic where his childhood cello is kept in a box. He realizes the rock given by his father is being kept there as well, starts playing cello again.

Daigo’s flashbacks appear to be clearer each time he lives them but the face of his father is always blurred. He, however, advances his cello playing and gives “mini” concerts to his pregnant wife in home.

In the meantime, we also realize that his close relationship with understanding and nurturing elderly Departures agency owner is also reflective of identifying him as a father he never had after brief childhood experience.

He receives news one day that his father has been passed away. Despite the spiritual turmoil it creates in Diego, he, with his wife, travels to the distant region in proceeding with “Nokanshi.” They realize that his father has lived his last years in poverty.

In the ceremony he himself takes part, Daigo observes the closed fist of his father. He opens it up and sees the white and smooth stone he once gave to his Dad when he was a child. Diego has another flashback at that moment and this time, he remembers the whole incident while he looks at his father’s cleared face who smiles at him.

Diego finally starts the process in forgiving his father and is ready to direct his psychic energy, positively, into the relationship he has with his wife and the baby to be born soon.

Therapeutic commentary:
This is one of those movies that reflect father-son relationship within the perspective of forgiveness.

Ability to forgive, in fact, is very important in our lives in general and helping the patients who are not able to forgive themselves or others in particular.

In Daigo’s story, the incident that seems to be affecting negatively his life, i.e., closure of orchestra hall and a losing job, in fact, appears to be the first link in the chain of occasions in his recovering from the childhood trauma, resolving the anger & resentment, forgiving his father and being ready to invest his interest in other productive areas to fulfill his life. Therefore, the film shows us that while conscious efforts are necessary to proceed with process of forgiveness, we may also review the life incidents giving us chances to resolve the problems.

Nature creates opportunity to resolve the forgiving process while nurture differentiates the efforts necessary for the same.

Forgiveness, of course, does not necessarily reflect denial, rejection or any other negative or indifferent circles. It is, step by step, positive & productive process towards a healing.

TA commentary – Dr. Fuat Ulus:

Forgiving process may take place in the realm of three different ego states:

Parent ego state forgiveness -

This is quite related to the ability in generating, maintaining and giving love to others. More we love, easier we forgive…

Adult ego state forgiveness -

That happens only if the outcome of forgiveness generates and maintains productive & positive results for the respective parties…

Child ego state of forgiveness –

In this forgiving process lies the creative and innovative play process. The child forgives his/her playmate if s/he is the only one with whom fun is possible…

Which one pertains most to Daigo’s forgiveness?

END

The Art of crying

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 13:20:02 -0500

THE ART OF CRYING - KUNSTEN AT GRAEDE I KOR - 2006

Meltem Sukan, M.D.
Medical Manager
Abbott Pharma Industries
Istanbul, Turkey

The story of this film has been reflective of the actual events took place in Denmark during stormy seventies.

Far [Jesper Asholt], a milkman, an uneducated individual leading the rural family of four, throws temper tantrums each time he is faced to deal with even most minor problems, cries and threatens to commit suicide. Mor [Hanne Hedelund], his wife, already sick and tired of her husband’s theatrics throughout years, abuses sleeping pills and “escapes” into sleep to avoid the conflict. Asger [Thomas Knuth-Winterfeldt], a grown up son of the couple who has left home is extremely uncomfortable with his Dad, Sanne [Julie Kolbech], 14 year old daughter, an adolescent-woman, is constantly pushed by Allan [Jannik Lorenzen], 11 year old other son with whose eyes we see what is happening in the household, to go and make their father “happy” when he is upset.

Alan realizes that his father’s tantrums upset the other family members and is willing to do anything to keep him happy hence stability of the family. He knows that his sister has “powers” when she is sent out to make his Dad happy although has no idea how she makes him happy. Actually Far sexually abuses his daughter while Mor, his wife, is aware of the situation for years! Despite Asger’s constant objections, the family seems to be pathologically adopted this dysfunctional life.

Of interest, Allan notices his father’s enthusiasm, almost bordering with hypomania, during the eulogy he presents during one of the funerals in town. He, then, makes a concrete conclusion that the people should die to make his Dad happy!

He starts with his grand aunt, makes her laugh enough to have a heart attack and die. Far, has again been very happy and complementary during her funeral, justifying Allan’s conclusion!
Sanne, in the meantime, has been interested in building a relationship with her new boyfriend. This drives Far, again, hysterical crisis, forbids her to see the youngster.

Later, we witness a fire engulfing the home of Far’s Mom resulting the death of the elderly lady. Sanne informs her father that it was her who did that in avenging his separating Sanne from her boyfriend. Far is driven up to wall and starts fighting with his daughter. Upon losing control, he calls their family physician. The health team comes and takes the young girl to the hospital, commits her for ECT!

He, however, has again been very enthused and happy in presenting eulogy next day during the funeral.

Far this time is upset over her daughter’s treatment in the hospital, starts crying and threatening with ending up everything once and for all in one of those evenings. Allan, now Sanne being in the hospital, goes to his father to make him “happy” and for the first time in his life, finds out that he needs to take his clothes off for the “task!”

Now, Allen starts thinking twice to make his father “happy.” He goes to the hospital and informs the doctor about his father. Police starts investigating Far.

In one of his “fake” suicidal intentions, Far actually hangs himself by accident while expecting Allan to interfere and is hospitalized. The household is quiet and well functional for the first time in years!

Mor starts handling café while Allan helps her.

Finally Far is released from the hospital but police takes him to the center for investigation of incest.

Educational & therapeutic use of the film:

This movie is doubtless excellent one to show the public as well as those health workers to demonstrate how and why the involved family members avoid dealing with incest. Most original, however, is our observing the whole dysfunctional dynamics through the eyes of “functional” 11 year old Allan in the movie. The story is important for the therapists regarding their approaches to the adolescents within the line of insight. While a lot of therapists are frustrated with the youngsters’ not seeing the issues “eye-to-eye” in given family conflicts, may provide information how the teens “functionally” formulate “dysfunctional” conditions hence their differences in thinking.

END

THE DAMNED UNITED: TA ANALYSIS

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 20:25:34 -0600

Clough’s attitude & behavior present many narcissistic traits and because of his not being able to neutralize the “narcissistic trauma” he had in the beginning of the saga, almost destroys him at the end.

He has already proven how worthy a manager he was through bringing Darby County from the Second Division into the Premier League and beat not only the Leeds United but the other soccer powerhouses such as Manchester United, Everton, Arsenal and Tottenham. He would have been satisfied with that had he been set his sight within the line of rational and reasonable goals & objectives. He, however, had been having a secret agenda: Discredit Revie and let the Leeds United would be remembered by his name rather than “Big Don…” Well, technically, he succeeded of being remembered alright only within the perspective of entirely different flow.

The writer’s school of thought is Transactional Analysis. We see Clough acts within the push of his avenging “bad kid” rather than acting “logical adult,” He could have still been successful had he been reasonable, showing humility and attracting the Leeds players, one-by-one, and not openly critical of Revie and his style when he took over the team. This would be a product of “adult reasoning” and he could at least be staying in his post for a longer, if not more successful, time. He, however, chose to act like a brat and alienated everybody from the very beginning, a product of belligerent, emotional, unpredictable and arrogant “bad kid.”

In handling of our patients’ self-esteem that plays a role from depression to motivation, we always need to review each given client’s goals and the reason behind it. We are to be directing & redirecting them to achieve what they are after based entirely on reasoning and not emotions.

FUAT ULUS, MD

THE DAMNED UNITED-2009

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 20:19:40 -0600

This film is about the rise and the fall… and the rise again of what many sport authorities refer as the best soccer manager of all time, Brian Clough [Michael Sheen].

The story goes back-and-forth between 1974 when Clough takes over the Leeds United, one of the soccer power houses of the Premier League and 1968 when he started promoting Darby County up from the bottom of the lower division.

To the best of the writer’s recollection, there has not been any other soccer manager who made “the bottom of the league” teams champion in its division; promoting them to the upper league and also making it number 1 there as well…not to mention their European Championship titles.

What a gift…

He, however, failed miserably for managing already successful team that does not need to prove anything!

Revie, on the other hand, took already well reputed champions and was able to maintain the success despite the alleged playing “dirty” at times.

He, in reverse, did not know what to do when he took over National Soccer Team of England when the performance of the team was not up to par hence his failure.

He also failed another “underdog” National Team of United Arab Emirates that would be in need of promotion, creativity and innovation to advance among their regional competitors.

Both Clough and Revie were excellent leaders seasoned for different needs. Reversing their jurisdictions ended up with failure for both of them. Clough was the master of innovation while Revie was an expert on maintenance skills; an apple and orange…

Therefore, the “space & time” factor appeared to be much more important than that of their individual styles.

So, those management gathering coordinators, workshop coaches, business symposia and leadership course moderators & arrangement officers:

It is not “leadership styles” but which leadership style fits into what time & space formats!

One of the other business applications of this film is its reflecting “the person behind the successful leader…”

Clough has definitely been a brilliant manager but without Taylor, faltered miserably. Only after they re-united, started to raise another not so well expected Nottingham Forrest in the same way they did for Darby County.